Why ADHD Parenting Feels Like a Battle—and How I Learned to Reframe It

Introduction

Growing up with ADHD, life often felt like a battle, not just for me but for my parents too. Every day felt like an uphill struggle. My parents tried so hard to help me, but no matter what they did, it seemed like nothing was enough. They wanted me to succeed, to focus, to behave, but ADHD has a way of making even the simplest things incredibly difficult. I could see their exhaustion and frustration, and in turn, I felt it too. It was like we were all in this constant fight, but no one really knew what we were fighting.

For years, my family and I thought we were at war—me against my ADHD, and my parents against my behaviors. And that’s how it felt for so long: like we had to fight through it every single day. But here’s the truth I didn’t understand then: ADHD doesn’t have to be fought against. You don’t win by battling it. ADHD is something that needs to be understood, not conquered. That realization came to me much later, but once it did, it changed everything.

My Story: A Battle I Didn’t Understand

Looking back, I can see the frustration that filled our home. It wasn’t just my parents trying to control my ADHD behaviors—it was the emotional toll it took on me too. Every day felt like a fight I didn’t understand. I remember feeling like I was always messing up, like I was always doing something wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to live up to the expectations of what it meant to be a "normal" kid. School was hard, focus was harder, and behavior? That was impossible.

My parents were trying their best. They were doing everything they thought they should—talking to doctors, trying different therapies, and following the advice they were given. But it always felt like we were on opposite sides, like they were trying to get me to behave in a way that I just couldn’t. And I didn’t understand why I couldn’t. I wanted to be better for them, but my brain just didn’t work the way they wanted it to. And because none of us really understood ADHD, it turned into this constant conflict in our house.

My behavior often seemed out of control—tantrums, frustration, inability to concentrate—and my parents understandably reacted with their own frustration. But no one was winning. I’d hear things like, “Why can’t you just sit still?” or “Just focus!” But I couldn’t. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. It was because I didn’t have control over the way my brain worked. Every day felt like a battle, not just between me and my parents, but between me and my own mind.

I remember vividly the moments when my parents would sit me down, trying to figure out what was going wrong. But it wasn’t something I could explain. How could I tell them that my brain just wouldn’t let me sit still, or that my emotions were too big to handle, and that I didn’t have the words to describe the frustration boiling inside me? They were searching for answers that I didn’t have. So, we fought. And I felt like I was letting them down.

Breaking the Cycle

The truth is, ADHD wasn’t something we had to battle—none of us knew that at the time. We were caught in a cycle where my behavior felt like a constant problem, and my parents felt responsible for fixing it. But what I’ve come to realize over the years is that ADHD isn’t about fixing or controlling—it’s about understanding.