When Your “Get Up and Go” Has Left the Building: The Art of Staying Balanced

Self-talk strategies and emotional regulation

Parenting is often compared to running a marathon, not a sprint. This analogy is a gentle reminder to pace ourselves in the long journey of raising kids. It’s crucial not to overwhelm ourselves daily, trying to meet every one of our children’s wants while also pursuing our personal and professional goals.

To avoid falling into a rut of exhaustion and frustration, here are some simple yet effective strategies:

1. Daily Check-In

Start by asking yourself three times, “What do I need?” This simple question can be surprisingly powerful.

2. Acknowledge Your Feelings

An average day of parenting may bring up feelings of anger, sadness, joy or gratefulness. If you’re feeling increasingly irritable or tired, don’t ignore these signs. Consulting a physician is wise, and if these feelings edge towards depression or anxiety, don’t hesitate to seek mental health care.

3. Prioritize Well-being

Ask yourself, “To prioritize my well-being, what do I need to let go of?” It could be an unrealistic goal, the pursuit of perfection, or the belief that you can do everything. One thing I let go of as a parent was the ideal of home cooked meals every night, I still feel guilty about it but I embraced the ideal of easy to prepare meals or healthy prepared foods.

4. Think in Sequences

Instead of abandoning your goals, consider rearranging them. This might mean choosing part-time work or even a career break, but still laying the groundwork for your professional aspirations over a longer timeline.

Remember, parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier over time. Teenage years can be emotionally challenging, as children seek their own identity, which might include distancing themselves from parents. Our expectations for when parenting “will get easier” can often miss the mark. High School can be more emotionally draining than potty training and long days with toddlers. I remember another parent telling me when my children were young “when they’re young they break your back, and when they’re older they break your heart.”  While both stages have their highs and lows, it’s not breaking news that teens can be insensitive in their process of forging their own identity and figuring out who they are.

Self-Talk Strategies for Parental Self-Care:

I have always been a fan of being your own cheerleader and coach. Whether that means telling yourself “You got this!” or just calling your own time-out for foul play or a foul smell in the kids bedroom.

Here are some suggestions to play around with and research shows that talking to yourself in the third person can be more powerful, so you can try that too and test it out yourself.

1. “I am doing enough.” Remind yourself that your efforts are sufficient and valuable.
2. “Taking care of myself is good for my family.” Self-care isn’t selfish; it benefits everyone. Regular rest is essential, not optional.
3. “I can sequence my goals over time” It’s okay to delay certain aspirations for the right time.
4. “I am a loving, caring parent.” Affirm your parenting, even on tough days.
5. “Every phase is temporary.” Remember, challenging periods will pass.

By practicing these self-talk strategies and embracing self-care, you can better regulate your emotions, which in turn helps your children manage theirs. Research by Zimmer-Gembeck et al. (2022), suggests that parents who effectively manage their own emotions are more likely to demonstrate positive parenting practices. This emotional self-regulation in parents is linked to children who also regulate their emotions well and exhibit fewer symptoms of internal emotional struggles.

Let this research be your motivation for giving yourself permission to let go of unrealistic parenting standards for yourself. Schedule time for fun and for doing nothing. In a world where parents feel they can never be enough or do enough, putting your feet up and savoring your rest and relaxation is the ultimate power play.

Reference

Zimmer-Gembeck, M. J., Rudolph, J., Kerin, J., & Bohadana-Brown, G. (2022). Parent emotional regulation: A meta-analytic review of its association with parenting and child adjustment. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 46(1), 63–82. https://doi.org/10.1177/01650254211051086