Navigate Emotional Regulation: Communications From Yourself to Yourself
Apr 23, 2024
In many of our blogs, we’ve offered tips and tools on emotional regulation. Surprisingly some ADHD symptoms can be tied back to difficulty in managing emotions.
Emotional Regulation and ADHD Symptoms
A familiar example is that when a child is forgetful it could be due to trying to manage anxiety that takes their attention off the task they intended to do. Imagine your child is supposed to clean their room, but anxiety about an upcoming math test has turned their brain into a popcorn machine—popping thoughts everywhere but on the task at hand. It’s not that they forgot about the mess; they’re just too busy imagining fending off algebraic equations. Who knew math could magically make clutter invisible?
The anxiety itself is trying to communicate that they have a high-priority task to attend to. Their anxiety isn’t just random nerves; it’s like their internal messaging app pinging them constantly. This is how the brain signals to you that you have to take the test seriously. Every jitter and distraction is a reminder to focus on preparing and prioritizing this task above all else.
Emotional Regulation Through Understanding Sadness
Sadness too can contain important information. As a parent, you may have a feeling of sadness that your work keeps you so busy and that your time with this particular age or grade is slipping through your fingers. The sadness is meant to communicate something to you. It can serve as a reminder to reassess your priorities, suggesting that these moments with your child are precious and fleeting, urging you to carve out quality time before this phase passes by.
The feeling can point toward action steps. You can use this as motivation to look at your calendar and find ways to create happy memories. This small adjustment acknowledges your other responsibilities while prioritizing what your sadness is signaling—more cherished moments with your child. You could experiment with ideas such as setting aside time to take turns telling a funny or meaningful experience from your own life. This may help the family to feel more connected and resolve the sadness by savoring family bonding time.
Emotional Regulation and Anger Management
What about anger? Anger is a communication to yourself that you need to set a boundary whether that be in a work situation or relationship. For example, if Dan is mad at his wife Nicole for putting too much pressure on their kids he may want to pause and ask “what do I have control over?” He may choose to set up a time without distractions to request to reduce the extracurricular activities so the family can spend more down time doing things together. Dan loved the idea of putting the brakes on racing around from sports events to tutoring and back for piano lessons.
Finding the signal in the anger, Dan can work toward a compromise that addresses his concerns. He and his wife could take out a whiteboard and write the benefits of the busy schedule, the costs of the busy schedule, the benefits of more downtime and the costs of more downtime. Through a balanced and open dialogue, they decided to adjust the children’s activities, aiming for a schedule that fostered both development and relaxation. This collaborative effort significantly eased tensions at home, improved their family dynamics, and established a routine of regular communication to continuously refine their approach. This proactive resolution of anger not only brought relief but also strengthened their partnership and family unity.
Conclusion: The Power of Emotional Regulation
The moral of this story is that translating disruptive emotions such as anger into a need to set limits can increase communication and problem-solving. It’s easy to imagine that without these action steps the unspoken anger could turn into passive-aggressive behavior or outright family feuds. As the old saying goes “You have to feel it to heal it.
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