How to Handle the F word as a Parent: When You Feel Like a Failure
Dec 28, 2023
Parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging roles you can have in life. As a parent, you may often feel like you’re not doing enough, and that you’re failing at times. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many parents struggle with the same feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and fear of failure.
When you are struggling you can create a plan to back off from expectations for your child and yourself and give your children more hugs and kind words. We can put way too many expectations on ourselves and our children. Think about the goals of a parent 100 years ago, even 50 years ago when the “latchkey kid” was left unsupervised after school. The next generation of parents were defined by “helicopter parenting” defined by close montitoring of school work and social life. The pressure to parent a perfect child continues in many communities today, increasing expectations of parents on themselves and their children.
If you’re feeling like you’re failing as a parent, it’s essential to recognize that you’re doing the best you can with the resources and information you have. Parenting is a learning process, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. The most important thing is to learn from those mistakes and make changes where necessary.
Here are a few things you can say to yourself or to a fellow parent who feels like they’re failing:
“You are not alone.” It’s common to feel like you’re the only one struggling with parenting, but in reality, many parents experience similar feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Remind yourself or others that they’re not alone in this.
“You’re doing your best.” It’s essential to recognize that you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have. Give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting into parenting.
“It’s okay to make mistakes.” Parenting is a learning process, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way. The most important thing is to learn from those mistakes and make changes where necessary.
“You’re helping your child grow.” As your child grows, they are meant to become more independent. Just as you drive your child when they are young, sit next to them when they drive during driver’s training, and are not in the car when they have their license, so too do parents need to allow independence. As a parent, you’re helping your child grow and develop into an independent adult.
“You’re a good parent.” It’s essential to remind yourself or others that feeling like a failure does not mean that you are a failure. Being a parent is not an easy job, and the fact that you’re trying your best means that you’re a good parent.
Remember that parenting is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to feel like you’re failing at times, but it’s important to keep going and keep learning from your experiences. With time and practice, you’ll become more confident in your parenting skills, and your child will thrive under your care.
Just like a butterfly that strengthens its wings by pushing out of the chrysalis, you too can grow and learn as a parent. Believe in yourself, trust and test your instincts, and remember to have compassion for yourself and your child. The struggles make you stronger.
