Autism and ADHD: Using Social Stories in Parenting
Nov 6, 2024
Jamie is a 9-year-old diagnosed with both autism and ADHD. Like many kids his age, Jamie loves cartoons, especially wearing shirts with his favorite characters. Recently, some kids at school began teasing him for his cartoon-themed clothing, calling it "babyish." Jamie felt hurt and confused, unsure of how to respond. His parents noticed he was more anxious before school and reluctant to wear his favorite shirts.
Jamie’s mom, Sarah, decided to use a social story to help him understand the situation and give him strategies for managing his emotions and responses when faced with teasing. Sarah crafted a simple social story, keeping it short and relatable, to help Jamie process and navigate these situations.
Social Story: Determined Dandelions (Lewis, B., 2021) – Standing Tall Despite the Teasing
Once upon a time, in a bright, green field, there lived a little dandelion named Danny. Danny loved his bright yellow petals and the way he grew tall, reaching for the sun. But sometimes, other flowers in the garden would tease him.
The roses and tulips would say things like, “Danny, you’re not as fancy as us! People don’t plant you on purpose—you just show up everywhere!” This made Danny feel small and a little sad, even though he knew deep down he had a special purpose.
One day, an older dandelion named Delilah noticed Danny looking down at his leaves. She came over and said, “Danny, do you know what makes us dandelions so special?”
Danny shook his head. “All I know is that some flowers don’t like me just because I’m different.”
Delilah smiled and explained, “We may be different, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t important. Did you know that dandelions are some of the most determined flowers around? We grow where we’re needed. And because of us, animals have food to eat, and people can even use our leaves and roots for medicine.”
Danny thought about this and felt a little bit prouder. He was starting to understand that, even though he looked different, he had a special role in the garden.
Delilah continued, “If any flowers tease you again, here’s what you can do:
Take a deep breath and remember why you’re important. You bring something special to the garden that no one else does.You can say, ‘I’m a dandelion, and I’m proud of it!’ or ‘I help animals and people!’ If you still feel upset, it’s okay to just stand tall and ignore them. Keep reaching for the sun, Danny!”
The next time a rose teased him, Danny took a deep breath and said, “I’m a dandelion, and I’m proud of it!” And when he did, he noticed some of the smaller flowers nearby smiling at him, inspired by his confidence.
From that day on, Danny remembered Delilah’s words and stood tall, knowing that being a dandelion was something to be proud of. He learned that he didn’t have to change just because some flowers didn’t understand his worth. He was determined, helpful, and unique—just the way he was meant to be.
Outcome:
The next time Jamie wore his favorite shirt to school, a classmate teased him, but he remembered the social story and took a deep breath. Jamie calmly responded, “I like my shirt, and that’s okay.” When the teasing continued, he chose to walk away and join other friends in the classroom.
Over time, Jamie grew more comfortable responding to teasing in ways that felt right for him. His confidence increased, and he learned that he could enjoy his interests without needing others’ approval. Sarah noticed that Jamie was happier and no longer anxious about wearing his favorite shirts to school.
Reflection:
This experience taught Jamie and his family the value of social stories for handling tough social situations. By empowering Jamie with a simple, clear strategy, Sarah helped him build resilience, manage his emotions, and feel proud of his individuality, despite what others might say.
Supporting Your Child’s Social and Emotional Skills
While every child is unique, children with these diagnoses often face specific difficulties in areas like understanding social cues, managing emotions, and maintaining friendships. Fortunately, there are many ways to help them develop these essential skills, with patience, practice, and a focus on their strengths.
1. Understand Their Unique Strengths and Challenges
For children with autism and ADHD, social and emotional learning (SEL) is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Each child’s strengths, challenges, and sensory preferences vary, and recognizing these differences is the first step in building a supportive environment.
For example: Children with autism may need help understanding non-verbal cues, like body language and tone of voice, and can sometimes find social interactions overwhelming due to sensory sensitivities. By recognizing where your child excels and where they struggle, you can create more personalized and effective strategies to help them thrive in social settings.
2. Teach Social Skills through Modeling and Practice
Social skills, like taking turns, showing empathy, and listening actively, often need to be explicitly taught to children with autism and ADHD.
Role-Playing and Practice: Engage in role-playing exercises to practice specific social situations, like starting a conversation or managing disappointment when things don’t go as planned.
Breaking Down Social Rules: Many social rules, like taking turns or making eye contact, can seem confusing or arbitrary to a child with autism or ADHD. By breaking these down into simple, concrete steps, you can help your child learn them gradually. For example, instead of saying “listen carefully,” you could break it down into “look at the person talking, stay quiet, and think about what they’re saying.”
3. Emphasize Emotional Self-Regulation
Emotional self-regulation is essential for any child, and it can be especially challenging for children with autism and ADHD, who may struggle with managing strong feelings or reacting calmly to frustration.
Teaching Calm-Down Techniques: Help your child develop a toolkit of calming strategies they can turn to when emotions run high. Techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or using sensory tools (like a weighted blanket or stress ball) can provide immediate relief from overwhelming emotions.
Name the Emotion: Teaching children to identify and name their emotions is another foundational skill in emotional regulation. You might say, “I can see you’re feeling discouraged. Would you like to take a break?” This approach not only helps children recognize their feelings but also validates them, which can be reassuring.
Reward Positive Self-Regulation: Praise and positive reinforcement can go a long way in building self-regulation. Whenever your child successfully manages a challenging emotion or situation, acknowledge their effort to reinforce their progress.
4. Create Social Opportunities
Some options include: Playdates and Small Group Activities: Arrange playdates with understanding friends or family members, and keep groups small to reduce sensory overload. Supervised, structured play allows you to guide your child when needed.
Encourage Hobbies and Interests: Finding social opportunities around your child’s interests, such as art, sports, or science, can make social interactions more enjoyable and accessible.
Reference
Social Emotional Stories: Lessons and Learning from Plants and Animals; Barbara A. Lewis, 2021.
